Payton (Dreamcatchers Romantic Suspense Series Book 3) Read online

  The gym, the Krav Maga class, they’d all felt like fruitless attempts to outrun himself. But they’d been slowly adding a steady progress without his even realizing it.

  Cole walked past his old division’s station on the way to the shrink. The station was always difficult for Cole to visit. Whenever he walked through the sliding glass doors, he’d remember the way it used to feel completely natural to walk in with a gun on his hip and his body armor strapped to his chest. He held his head high back then, but now he was an outcast. When he reached the psychologist’s office block, the building’s security officer wasn’t much better. She looked at him like he’d just wandered in aimlessly off the streets.

  “Can I help you?” She lifted a single eyebrow.

  Cole avoided her eyes. “Yes. I’m here to see Dr. Larkin.”

  The eyebrow didn’t drop as she snatched a visitor’s pass out of her desk. “Wear this at all times. What’s your name? I’ll have to buzz you up.”

  “Cole Davis. I have an appointment.”

  “I’ll have to verify that.”

  He leaned against her desk, earning himself another glare as she spoke into the radio on her chest.

  “Sir?” Her voice already grated on his nerves.

  “Yep.”

  “Take the elevator to the third floor and then follow the white tiled corridor. Dr. Larkin’s office is at the end of the main hall.”

  He flashed her what he hoped was a winning smile. “Thanks.”

  Cole missed the force. He was even almost willing to admit it. He missed being part of a bigger picture, making a difference in his community. When he’d lost himself for all these months, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever get that part back.

  “Cole?”

  His head snapped up to see Dr. Larkin standing in front of him. Damn, that was the second time he’d zoned out of his surroundings already that day. The doctor was young, probably around Cole’s age, a trendy guy with rectangular glasses.

  “Hey, Doc.” Cole followed the doc back into his office and sat down.

  “How are you?” Dr. Larkin sat behind his desk and shuffled a few papers. “You look good.”

  “I’m going alright, Doc. Doing a little better.”

  “How so?”

  “I went out with a girl last night.” No way was he going into details.

  “Oh, really?” The doctor reached forward and picked up a pen, scribbling on his yellow pad.

  “Yeah.” He could feel himself pulling back already. Talking to Payton had been way easier.

  “You’ve mentioned before you were having trouble in that department, physically.” Dr. Larkin made eye contact, and for the first time Cole didn’t feel the immediate urge to look away.

  “Yeah, funny, that. Soon as I met her,”—Payton’s face flashed through his mind—“well, that problem went away.”

  “Good, Cole, that’s great. How do you feel about that?” Larkin met his eyes again, tugging Cole out of his shell a little more.

  “I guess . . . I don’t know.” He shot a wry grin. “It was fun.”

  Larkin burst out in laughter. “I bet. Fun is good. It’s progress.”

  The doc’s smile was infectious. “I cleaned my house today. I haven’t done that in a long time. I just felt like I needed to get rid of the trash, that it was time to start clearing things out, you know. I feel different, Doc.”

  “Like you’re ready to move forward?”

  “Yeah. The classes at the gym are going well. I’m building my strength back up.”

  “And you’ve decided it’s time for the next change?” The doctor put his pen down and smiled at Cole again.

  “Yes.”

  “Do you think what you’re feeling today is sustainable?”

  Cole stared at the floor. That was the million-dollar question. “I don’t know, but I’m beginning to understand that that’s up to me now.”

  Another smile, warmer than the last. “Yes, Cole, it definitely is.”

  “I still get flashbacks.”

  “That’s totally normal. They’ll come and go. In times of stress they may be more frequent or stronger. How about any aggression? Have you been feeling much of that lately?”

  Cole thought back. He still felt paranoia and anger every day, but the urge he’d had to lash out at the world was gone.

  “It’s under control.”

  “Even in your Krav Maga class?”

  “Yep.” Cole looked down at his hands, linking his fingers together. “At first it was kind of unnerving, having people come at me, but now I know where I am and what’s going on.”

  “You’re talking about that time in the past tense,” Larkin leaned forward. “That’s good. So you don’t have any flashbacks to the basement during class?”

  “No.” Cole shook his head, and Larkin cocked his to the side.

  “I just mentioned the basement and you didn’t react. You used to flinch every time it came up.”

  Cole shrugged. “It happened. I know that, but I think I’ve finally realized that it’s over. I’m still getting flashbacks other times, and it worries me that it could all come back, but I think I can still call this progress.”

  “You can indeed. Okay. . . .” The doctor took a piece of paper out from his side drawer. When he was halfway through filling it out, Cole realized what was in the doc’s hands and his own hands began to shake. Life takes twists and turns, and then when you least expect it, blows you out of the water.

  “I’m going to clear you for duty, Cole. You’re ready.”

  “Now?! Doc, I . . . I don’t know.”

  “Well, it’s voluntary, but the choice is there. You’ve worked hard, Cole. Take some time and celebrate your achievement, and then bring this back to me when you’re ready to move forward.” The doctor held it out for him to take, but Cole couldn’t make his fingers work. Where would that piece of paper lead?

  “I’m going to take some time, Doc. Think it over.”

  “Okay. I’ll talk to the chief, let him know where you’re at. They want you back, Cole.”

  Cole’s eyebrows shot up. “They do?”

  “You were one of the best; you still are. Chief Thomas asked after you again just last week. You can still make a difference to this city, Cole.”

  “I’ll think about it.” Cole snatched up the paper before he could talk himself out of it and walked quickly out of the building. He needed to be out in the open. Out in the daylight, the world had taken on a strange tone, brighter but also full of mystery.

  Reentering the force, taking his life back, it was all he’d been working toward. He’d starting working out at the gym to rebuild his battered and starved body, and the Krav Maga classes had quickly followed, regaining his instincts and training his body to react the way it needed to. Physically, he was there; he realized that now, but something was still missing. But did that mean he couldn’t do the job?

  Just a month ago, reentering the force would have been his first choice. But he’d been enjoying the life he was building, new as it was. He had a groove, a routine, and places that felt comfortable. The juice bar he went to every morning, his sessions with Aaron, and his almost daily attendance at class. Putting on the uniform again would keep him from that. Cole paused as pieces fell into place in his mind. The time he’d had to work on himself, on his own wishes and desires—there was so much he could do now. The world was once again open to him. Maybe he could pick up a few shifts at the gym, or help teach a class or two. He’d find a way.

  And then, of course, there was Payton, the enigmatic girl with so much going on beneath the surface. He’d been shocked, at first, to find out how similar their experiences had been, and how easily they’d shared each other’s pain. That night would always be a part of him, and if he let it, could so easily grow to something greater. There could be many more nights just like it, with her sheltered in his arms while they explored each other’s bodies. But it would never work if they couldn’t be completely open with each other. He saw i
t every time, lurking behind her eyes, but every time they talked about her kidnapping, she’d just shut down.

  If he couldn’t understand what had happened to her, how could he be in a relationship with her?

  When it came down to it, he didn’t have all the answers. He was still half broken himself, still struggling to escape that fucking basement. It had taken him a long time to be able to take care of himself again. Could he give Payton all that she needed, all that she deserved, at the same time?

  Cole ran home, veering from the paved streets and taking the long way along the beach to clear his mind. He wished he’d brought workout clothes to change into after the appointment. He’d missed class, but he could still easily get a workout in, and Payton would probably still be there. He pictured her in his mind, her sweet lips and bright eyes filled with passion as her head was thrown back in ecstasy.

  Cole switched paths and headed to the gym. Once and for all he was going to find out where he stood. She’d almost avoided even having to look at him that morning. Depending on what was going through her mind today, all his speculations may not even matter. They were both broken, and there was a chance that she didn’t want to be with him because of it. He tried not to let that thought run away with him as he walked up the steps to the gym. Rejection was a vicious beast that would eat him raw right now. Talking to her after that morning’s brush-off was a terrifying prospect, one that was not made any easier when he spotted her sitting in the juice bar.

  He walked in slowly, sitting away from her at the counter for a moment before walking over to her table. Payton sat there sipping on a purple drink. He so did not want to know what made it such a vibrant color.

  “Hey.”

  She looked up. “You weren’t in class today.”

  She was still in her gym clothes, short black compression pants and a tight blue sports bra. Cole forced his eyes upward. “I had to deal with some business.”

  “Okay. . . .”

  “I had to see the police shrink today,” he blurted out.

  She took a sip of her smoothie. “How’d that go?”

  He sat down opposite her. “Well, I think. He says I’m doing better.”

  “And?” She knew he wasn’t telling her everything. She could read him already. That freaked him out just a little bit.

  “They want me to rejoin the force.” He fidgeted, crossed his arms over his chest. “I guess I’m thinking about it.”

  Payton’s face lit up in a smile. “Congratulations, Cole.”

  “Yeah, thanks.”

  Her smile morphed into confusion. “Wasn’t that what you wanted?”

  “For awhile, yeah. Now, I can’t stop thinking about other things. I want my life back, but I’m not sure I want it back exactly as it was.”

  She looked away. “I can relate.”

  Okay, so a subject change would be a good idea right about now. “How was your day?” The moment the question left his mouth, Cole held back a wince.

  That’s the best you can come up with?

  “Good, good. I went to class, and they had us doing melee.”

  “How’d you do?”

  “Alright,” she laughed and leaned forward. “Aaron threw one of the guys across the room.”

  “What?”

  “Oh, yeah. It was that skinny, loud one, José. He was mouthing off, telling Aaron he’d fight him to prove he was the best in the class. Aaron agreed, but it didn’t last long.” Cole laughed. “Well, everyone gathered around and we were all just waiting for it. José got a running start, with this crazy look on his face like this,” Payton scrunched up her whole face and her eyes went wide.

  “Oh, my God.”

  “It was awesome. Aaron just grabbed his arm and threw him like twenty feet. Everyone else nearly fell over laughing.”

  He chuckled again. He was really making a habit of that. “I wish I could’ve seen that.”

  “Nope, be glad you weren’t there. Aaron’s on a cardio kick this week and my heart is still thumping like a jackrabbit.”

  Cole shook his head, still chuckling. He could think of a hundred other ways to make her heart beat faster, but he kept his thoughts to himself even as he felt his dick harden in his shorts. There were things he needed to do before he jumped into bed with her again.

  “Well, I got to get to work.” Payton grabbed her things “See you tomorrow?”

  “Yeah.” Cole stood with her and watched her leave. It was hard not to get pulled in by the way her body swayed out the door.

  14

  By the time she’d made it to class that morning, Payton had already talked herself into avoiding Cole, only to talk herself out of it again at least ten times over. She was half sure he’d avoid her anyway after the way she’d acted that morning, but still, it had been a shock when she’d walked into class and he wasn’t there. Maybe he was just running late? She couldn’t blame him if things were awkward between them directly, but the gym meant so much to him and to his recovery. Would he really blow off a class just so he didn’t have to talk to her? Throughout Aaron’s introduction, she’d kept her eyes on the door, hoping he’d walk in, but he didn’t. By the time class was over, she was officially worried. Did he just not want to see her, or had whatever the fuck she’d done last night caused more than she’d realized? Maybe she’d pulled up buried memories, or exposed more than she’d intended. What if he was really hurt or worse, and no one but she knew what had really happened?

  Finally, he walked through the door at the juice bar. If he hadn’t shown up there, she would have driven herself insane by the end of the day. So what if it was still uber awkward? They’d connected. Payton was still sure it was not the time for her to develop any sort of attachment to anyone, let alone fall into bed with them, but it didn’t matter. Every time she closed her eyes—hell, even when her eyes were open—Cole’s face wouldn’t leave her mind. But had it meant that much to him? Emotions had been high that night, and then she’d stupidly gone and amplified them even more with her psychic memory-seeking. Maybe that’s all it was. A hot, sweaty night with two people in desperate need of affection.

  What Payton needed was some kind of confirmation. True, conversation between them after class had been stilted, but she’d still felt a spark, and God, when he’d laughed? Everything inside her had quivered at the sound. Was she imagining things, projecting her own emotions and seeing something that just wasn’t there? What if it had just been one night for him, and he didn’t want to see her again? Should she ask him? Payton nearly rolled her eyes at the thought. God, no. She had to pull herself together before she did something even more monumentally stupid. The most important thing was to move with caution. As long as she did that, she could avoid causing even more damage, to both her heart and mind.

  Arriving back at her apartment after class, she rushed through her shower, only to end up standing in front of her meager closet staring at it for ten minutes. She needed more work clothes. She’d been wearing the same few shirts and skirts every day, the only clothes she had that met Rita’s overachieving standards of “glam dive.”

  More like casual date meets hooker chic.

  Payton frowned and checked the clock. There was a small second-hand boutique not far from her apartment, which she’d been meaning to check out. She had no problems picking up castoffs from San Diego’s more affluent citizens. Some of the stuff she’d seen there didn’t even look like it’d been worn. Gloria’s sat nestled on the corner at the top of a hill Payton climbed every time she went to work. If she took the chance that she’d find something there and got dressed at work, she’d just make it.

  Arriving at the shop twenty minutes before her shift started, Payton ripped through the racks. After a few minutes, she unearthed a strapless black corset top with a white ribbon in back and the young shop assistant managed to find her a pair of white jeans with small diamond rhinestone detail that would go perfectly with her favorite pair of flats. They were fancy enough that she hoped Rita would give up her ins
istence on skirts. After making her purchase Payton changed into her new outfit and the assistant slipped her old clothes into a store bag. While she waited, Payton browsed through the shoe section, looking longingly at a pair of bright-red pumps. She’d love to try them on, but there was no way she was tending bar for hours in those babies. She’d be lucky to stay upright walking down the street.

  Jogging down the street to work, she passed a couple of other similar shops, and she stopped to linger at the window display of the last one. They weren’t as new or upmarket as Gloria’s, but they had some charm. She took a step into the store and nearly walked straight into a rack of old prom dresses. They smelled a little like cigarette smoke and Payton wrinkled her nose. She’d come back and check it out after her shift. Maybe then she’d find something that wouldn’t make her look like an extra from Carrie. She’d just walked outside the store when a hand closed around her throat and she was pulled into an alley.

  No!

  She’d gotten free of her kidnappers. She’d escaped. This couldn’t be happening again.

  The hand was dark and musky, covered in dirt and dead skin flakes. Revulsion shuddered through her. Payton tried to open her mouth, to scream, to bite down—anything that would free her—but the man was too strong. His grip around her neck tightened, practically cutting off her air.

  “You look good, Baby.”

  His voice rasped in her ear and rancid breath struck her in the face. A hand brushed against the bare skin of her neck, and Payton froze as flashbacks assaulted her mind. Her body went limp even as he pressed her forcefully against the dirty brick wall.

  “Please,” she pleaded. “Please don’t hurt me.”

  “Oh, Baby, it won’t hurt at all,” he pushed his filthy body against hers, his erection prodding her in the back.

  Fight back, damn you! You’re not helpless, not anymore.

  Payton struggled against his hold, but the man was too strong. His heavy weight pressed down on her. Anger flooded through her, followed swiftly by defeat. She was fucking weak. She’d felt so strong at class earlier that day, but now? She was alone, and pinned. There was no one around to save her—not Cole, not anyone. Hell, she’d even welcome the crazy women with the green eyes right about now.